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putting my thoughts down...

 
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Lorrainelovesplants



Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 2496


Location: North Cornwall

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:31 am    Post subject: putting my thoughts down...  Reply with quote

I thought (since I cant do anything outside at the mo)I'd share some thoughts in written form with you.

Feel free to criticise, laugh, snort, laugh out loud or condemn as you see fit.

If I go back one week today.  This dear reader, is exactly a week since Kate and I called a truce to our domestic lines of engagement.
Picture the scene - its Saturday.  No school.  Kate casually drops into conversation that its time we spend some quality time together. Kieran and John both look up from the woodturning dvd they are watching. they try to look really absorbed but you can suddenly feel the apprehension in the room. I try really hard not to obviously roll my eyes, and keeping my voice neutral say, non commitally,
"Oh yes?"
"Yes, we can go for a coffee and then a walk along the Camel Trail".
My eyes flick to the rain battering off the window.  Remember, this is Cornwall, land of liquid sunshine.
As she is waiting for an answer, I suggest that the coffee would be a good idea but perhaps the walk would be better another day when the weather is better.
By the time I have changed my farmers duds for a reasonably clean sweater and jeans she announces that after the coffee she will go round to Isabel's house.
So, off to town, eventually park and make our way to the coffee shop, where almost as soon as Ive removed my coat, the real reason for the cosy chat is revealed.
"Half term is coming up and id like to have a couple of friends round."
The penny drops.  The curtain falls away.  The morning wake up of cold water splashing onto the face.
"Your not having a party"
"Its not a party - its friends"
"how many friends?"
"Well, nearly everyone is away, so maybe a couple from Truro, and Isabel, and Amy, and a couple of folk from the bus."
"The Truro people, how are they going to get home?"
"Oh they'll stay, everyone is staying",
"Where?"
"In the shed."
I splutter.  John's shed?
"There isnt a toilet out there"
"That wont matter"   Mental pictures of boys peeing all over the place.
"Errr, I think not.  Im not having a bunch of drunken teenagers peeing everwhere.  Anyway, there's no room.  Your dad teaches out there and we have a lot of classes in February."
"We can move the stuff out and back"
"No, Kate.  Im not having the responsibility of teenagers Ive never met overnight.  Ive told you a month ago, a party is not on...."
"Its not a party!"
"Teenagers, drink, music, no supervision - its a party"

Decibel level climbing. People are looking.  An old biddy in the corner is staring to see if I give way.  Her cup is wobbling in her hand. But this is more exciting than listening to her friend's problems with her peeping Tom neighbour.
"Im not discussing it anymore Kate.  The answer is no"
Sullen snake eyes.  So much for a cosy coffee.
I brightly change the subject, looking at the clock.
"What time did you say you'd meet Isabel?"
"One oclock"
Its one now.  With any luck I can make a dignified retreat without a major skirmish.
She gathers her stuff together, "Ill walk you down.."
I pay at the till and the assistant smiles knowingly.  I pass the old biddy who smiles almost maliciously.
Outside, there is a last attempt.  
"Everyone else has had..."
"Im not everyone, Im not agreeing to it, and thats final, now dont lets have another falling out"

When I return home, am debriefed and am told what I should have said, I flop into the chair, recharging my batteries.  Ive got 4 hours before she comes home.
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bodger



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 32735


Location: Ever so slightly around the bend.

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well put down Lorraine, it read well.

Our place has always been open house. We seem to have had an endless stream of our four kids friends dossing and crashing  here. To be truthful, apart from the odd puker, we've really enjoyed it.
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Lorrainelovesplants



Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 2496


Location: North Cornwall

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I remember about two years ago, Kate went to a 'party' in Rock.

We allowed her to go after much quizzing as we didnt know the parents.  The deal was I collect her that evening.
Its a summer day, Im driving into a small cul-de-sac and looking for the house number when a woman approaches me.
I smile and put the window down.
"Are you Kate's mum?"
Imagine the feeling of impending doom fill my stomach.  Why is it always me?
Before I could even answer, she starts.
"Well, Im just glad your here.  You can take that drunken arse away with you."
Okay.  I get out of the car and kate comes out of a house, smiling.
"Hi mum".  Obviously, not a drunken arse.
"Mum can we take Sam home?"
"Sam?"
"Hes been crying and juggling with the goldfish?"
You can handle this.  You used to be a policewoman for Gods sake.
"Where is Sam now?"
"He's throwing up out the back door"
"He's not going to be sick in the car is he?"
"He'll be fine, Ill get him"
Quite comical in a bizzarre way watching your then 15 year old drag another larger 15 year old sobbing and retching across the street.  Oh, the twitching of net curtains.  I looked at the woman.  never again will you allow your child to have friend's over.
Hey ho.
"Hi Sam"
"Hello darling Scottish Lorraine"
"Sam Im only allowing you in my car on the promise that if you need to check you give me plenty of time to stop the car"
"I wouldnt do that to you.  Your one of my best friends best mums"
I turn to a very cross Kate.  "He's your friend.  If he's sick, your cleaning it, got it?"
She sits next to him the four mile journey back, pushing him upright and keeping his eyes open.  I drive with the windows open and the radio on to drown out his awful singing.
He is deposited at his home.  Mum, I have been told is at work.  More twitching net curtains and kate guides him to his door.
Its a silent drive home, until I ask about the goldfish juggling.
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kat_lewis



Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Posts: 480


Location: south staffs

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can see where you are coming from with after that experience  

By the way ...... what should you have said (as they weren't there and not involved in the conversation)  

Personally I think you did ok. Like Bodger our house was and is open house but we knew all kids and most of the parents. We were even happy to let the children live in the house whilst we lived in France - one was over 18 and I consider them all to be level headed and reliable (if I don't think too hard)  
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sod
Moderator


Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Posts: 13158


Location: Masterton New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

We think you did well and got out with no battle scars   Well done I think the old lady was having a chuckle as it is not normal to see parents stand up now days. Our house as my parents before is an open home even to some ending up living here for times. That was how we got into fostering. But back to you well done you didn't cave even though she set you up in a public place too
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Lorrainelovesplants



Joined: 28 Mar 2008
Posts: 2496


Location: North Cornwall

PostPosted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

She actually mentioned last night that she has 'concerns' re us going away for a few days to France.

now, the plan is that Kieran will be in charge.  He is very sensible, slightly cautious and painstakingly thorough, and he and i are on the same wavelegnth, so i trust him completely.  What Ive said to him is to make her think she is in charge, but that he is in reality.
So, I ask, 'really, what concerns? There is a freezer full of food, kie will do the chickens, you are on holiday so no-one needs to take you to college/school.  Two adult friends are going to 'look in' on you and are available on a phone should you need.  What are the concerns?'
'well, what about my social life?'
'Well, kate, if you want a friend round, you can ask their mum to drop them and collect them, BUT, I dont want anyone satying over AT ALL.  I think you know what im saying....'
Very long silence, then 'yes, mum'.
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chicken feed



Joined: 16 Oct 2009
Posts: 1762


Location: cambs

PostPosted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lorrainelovesplants wrote:
She actually mentioned last night that she has 'concerns' re us going away for a few days to France.

now, the plan is that Kieran will be in charge.  He is very sensible, slightly cautious and painstakingly thorough, and he and i are on the same wavelegnth, so i trust him completely.  What Ive said to him is to make her think she is in charge, but that he is in reality.
So, I ask, 'really, what concerns? There is a freezer full of food, kie will do the chickens, you are on holiday so no-one needs to take you to college/school.  Two adult friends are going to 'look in' on you and are available on a phone should you need.  What are the concerns?'
'well, what about my social life?'
'Well, kate, if you want a friend round, you can ask their mum to drop them and collect them, BUT, I dont want anyone satying over AT ALL.  I think you know what im saying....'
Very long silence, then 'yes, mum'.


its seems like a age ago. in real times its 8 years ago we decided to go away for a long weekend very rare for us to go away but decided a treat was in order DD have left home (just) leaving our then 16 yr old son now we knew his GF would stay over. as we left the no parties etc etc were read and reread to them on our return every thing was in A1 order clean ...very clean chickens all in order the dog had been fed and watered. it must have been a couple of days later i went to the hot tub to check the chemicals, would have been wise to checked sooner the water level was down way down ...............he had not had any  house party but he had held one hell of a garden party the bbq was in a state the garden had taken on a hit or 3 with ball games and the spa room was awash with water  


no real damage was done and both parties had a great weekend with friends  

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