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Lorrainelovesplants

just done tax credit renewal

Very depressing day yesterday..............
apart from mum being particularly trying, and me getting up at 6.30 to finally have lunch at 5.30pm and bed by 10.40 (and then up again at 2am),
I finally did and posted my tax credit renewal.

This year has been hard as Ive been going to see mum from Dec to March, almost fortnightly, and then her moving here in March.  All I seem to do is visit consultants etc with her, and Im knackered.
I have packed in my PT teaching job with adult ed, and have cut back stuff here.

We are finally getting somewhere with the new setup and it looks like we have turned a corner now.

Unfortunately this is not reflected financially yet.
Both of us made a loss on our self employment which when balanced against our incomings (basically pensions & my RBS job) means that we are worth 7600 annually.

We get tax credits and at the mo get maintenance from ex for children, which will stop in Sept as he has decided to return to FT study to become an anglican priest  (dont go there).


All sympathy gratefully accepted.
sod

WE Really do feel sorry for you, please be careful and don't get run down and ill yourself I know it is easy for me to say our thoughts n prayers are with you
lizzie44

Just wanted to give you a big cyber hug. Chin up and best foot forward and all that. Remember in the words if the song "Things can only get better" - not that it did much for Labour. Love Lizzie
WhatCameFirst

Sorry to hear this, you certainly have my sympathy.  I'm sure of lot of us on here have been in similar positions, I know I have, and it does get better. *hugs*
Lorrainelovesplants

Today has been another horrible day.  She began by throwing a crying/shouting fit re getting her stuff brought down and we are taking her home away, there is nothing wrong with her, blah, blah, blah.
This started at 10am and lasted till 1.15 when i phoned my brother and put her on the phone.
He got it in the neck for half an hour before she ran out of steam.
We ate lunch in the most awful atmosphere with tears falling off her nose, then she upped and went out to sit on the bench in the garden.
Kieran had a friend over...they came in saying she was crying again...

I have just phoned a care home and made an appointment for tomorrow.
They do daycare.  Im at the stage of wondering if it would be better that i go!!!

Yes, I resent her, yes, Im tired, yes, I regret it.
Would I have her again? - absolutely not.
sod

Maybe a week not a day in there and she can see where she is better off and you can get a good break as you need it. Sometimes it is better to just let them   on their own and not take it on board I know it sounds hard but you can't take it all  as others have said Big hugs from us too please please look after yourself others need you too and they love you Gods Blessings to you
Lorrainelovesplants

the thought did occur to me.....(about a week, not a day).

I was pleased with the home - okay its a little old fashioned, but the residents (I spoke to a couple) and the staff were happy and they looked busy and well cared for.
I got on well with the manageress and she is coming on Tues to meet mum, and then we'll chat re day care.
The trouble is, I cant MAKE her go.....
The other crap Im getting is from her brother, my uncle,who visited last week and stated to my brother on the phone that in his opinion there was nothing wrong with mum other than old age, and that she should be able to return to her own home.
How do I get him to understand that Alzheimers is an illness and that if she misses the medication (which she wont take if on her own) she will return to making abusive phone calls in the night, phoning the police to say the neighbours grandson is breaking in etc....
kat_lewis

My heart goes out to you (mega hugs). I think that you need a break from the stress. We are in a similar situation and I know how hard it can be. Just being able to take some time away for yourself can make a difference (I know that is easier said than done   )
The family that are not immediately involved do not see the 24hr/7 picture. Getting people who are knowledgable in dementia to help will ease your mind and they will be able to give you the support you need. The hardest part is to remembeer that the person you are dealing with ( your mum) is not doing it deliberately (well may be a little lol) it is the dementia.
I hope you manage to have a stress free few hours
sod

Maybe ask your uncle to have her for a week and judge then or else shut up and same goes for your brother you know put up or shut up!!  and I mean it tough love is not just for our children. The old saying do judge not till you have walked a mile in their shoes, You are very brave and loving they are not showing it as kat said big hugs to you may God Bless you
Lorrainelovesplants

Later on this morning I have a manageress coming from the care home to 'vet'mum before accepting her as day care.

We are hoping to start this once a week with the day care increasing to twice a week by October and we have the option of weekend respite and eventually mum could go here permenently.

But Im really worried about introducing her.....'this is Eve from the Care Home' will just start a massive argument.
I thought 'this is Eve who runs the Day Centre'?

Its 45 for a day compared to 40 for 4 hrs with a carer at home, but the carer wont do a full day and we need this option when Im at college and John is teaching.
kat_lewis

That is a really good happening today.     Don't be too worried about the manageress' reaction she will 'have seen it all'. I will be crossing my fingers for you.  

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